Dieting & Transparency & Eating Crow

1Me at a happier time with a hand-battered corndog in my hand and a Romney sticker on my blouse.  Though, for the record, I still have my Ron Paul sign proudly displayed in my front yard.  That’s another post for another day.

Please let me preface this post by saying that Josh has a goal to lose 20 pounds this month.  Coupled with the 25 pounds that he has already lost, he’ll finally be at his desired weight.  Also, I’ve been having very painful, very random allergic reactions to some mystery food item that I cannot quite pinpoint.  I’ve considered allergy testing, but I’ve read over and over again that the testing is often inconclusive and to be honest, I have to lay down to even get a flu shot.  Needles and I are not pals.

On Sunday, Josh and I began a no dairy, no gluten, no sugar, no red meat diet.  For him, it’s all about weight loss.  For me, it was all about avoiding dairy {for my eczema} and possibly pinpointing grain as the culprit of my allergic reactions.  Josh surprised me with Gwyneth Paltrow’s latest cookbook, “It’s All Good,” as a way to have tasty, gluten-free alternatives in our diets.  The book is beautiful and I’ve found multiple recipes I’ll use for many years to come.

I’ve tried the vegetarian thing before.  I gave up meat for Lent one year and then my iron levels went all wonky and my doctor advised against continuing my fast.  So I went to Firehouse Subs and ordered the most delicious, most horrific sandwich laden with every possible Italian meat and it was glorious.  Then, I got sick.

Last year after watching Forks Over Knives, Josh and I gave up all meat, meat by-products, and all dairy.  Cold turkey.  We lasted four days.  On the fifth day, I drove straight to the market after work, bought the most expensive, thickest bacon I could find, and I fried up the whole lot.  Then I ate it.  Again, it was glorious.  Again, I got sick.

Fast forward to last night, merely a few days into this month-long experiment.  It was late and I was hungry.  Our fridge was stocked full of healthy snack options like watermelon, citrus fruits, and cherries.  I had the option of Ezekiel toast with avocado or even a fruit smoothie with coconut milk and Kefir.  Instead, I threw a massive temper tantrum and begged Mr. C to drive me to McDonalds.  I purchased a Big Mac, fries, and a large Dr. Pepper and I devoured it.  I attacked that food like Rosemary attacks that raw beef in Rosemary’s Baby.  I was unstoppable.  I nearly had tears running down my cheeks.  It was magnificent and disgusting and completely glorious.  And then…once again…I got sick.

Mr. C, in his supreme wisdom, very gently said that we needed to talk.  He was right.  He’s always right.  So we talked.  We talked about moderation and my cravings and how it’s okay to indulge every once in a while.  We also talked about how it’s okay to have a Dr. Pepper every once in a while and how using three Chick-fil-a sauces for my waffle fries is probably not something to feel guilty about.

Together, we developed a few ground rules that will offer really healthy options while allowing for the occasional craving.

1.  All meat should be free of hormones and antibiotics.  Poultry should be free-range and all beef should be grass-fed.  When in doubt, cook venison.

2.  All eggs should be free of hormones and antibiotics.  Eggs should be free-range.

3.  Unsweetened almond milk is perfectly fine for day-to-day consumption, but if a recipe calls for cow’s milk {or even heavy cream!}, it’s okay.

4.  Most vegetables should be locally grown.  Out of season vegetables will be avoided.

5.  Salad Sundays, Meatless Mondays, and Soup Saturdays will be respected.

6.  Ezekiel bread is the only bread for us {barring the occasional loaf of French bread}.

7.   MSG should be avoided.

8.  Cookies are okay in moderation.  Like, once a week.  The same goes for Dr. Pepper.  Baking a pound cake is not the end of the world.

In essence, Josh stressed the importance of whole foods, lean meats, and minimal junk.  Moderation has never been my strong suit…I’m an all-or-nothing kind of gal.  But the rules we developed will allow for the flexibility this free spirit needs while still adhering to Mr. C’s desire for law & order.

I felt like I needed to share my breakdown because I desire true transparency in my life.  On Saturday, we went from Trader Joe’s to the Fresh Market, and then we ran to Wal-Mart in order to stock our pantry.  I silently judged everyone I saw reaching for those Cool-Ranch Doritos or a package of terrible-horrible-no good-very bad Purdue Chicken {seriously guys, don’t eat that crap}.  To the people I judged, I’m sorry.  To everyone that received my YOUR BODY IS A TEMPLE, HOW DARE YOU PUT EVIL GLUTEN {OR MSG, OR CORN-FED BEEF} INTO IT?!? speech, I’m sorry.  

This is me, eating crow.  And I’ve wrapped that crow in the most gloriously buttered crust you can imagine.

Life is for living, bacon is for frying, butter is for eating.  Amen.




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